Suara Murid Cikal - Amabella Dyandra Putri Rachmat, Year 10 Sekolah Cikal Lebak Bulus

Suara Murid Cikal - Amabella Dyandra Putri Rachmat, Year 10 Sekolah Cikal Lebak Bulus


My mother is the controlled variable in my life; always there, never changing. Now and more than ever, she is all that I have. She has raised me to be the person I am today. She was there for every school production, parent-teacher conference, field trip, graduation, exhibition — you name it. She has been there for me through and through. Each moment with her holds smiles and joy wrapped in love altogether. Each memory is as great as the other. My mother is also much more than a nurturing figure in my life; she is my friend,  and she is one of the greatest there are. Her young spirit is like no other. 


I remember us giggling together about South  Korean actors, in fact, I’m pretty sure she’s more lovestruck by Hyunbin than I am. We would talk about the latest gossip at school or in her own life. I remember us constantly kicking each other under the table and sharing glances across the room because of the quirk of someone we just met. Moments like these are what makes me appreciate having a mother who is willing to be more than just a parent. Her humour and laughter are what set her apart from other moms. She is always there to joke around, make people laugh, and light up a room with just her smile. 




(The portrait of Amabella and her Mom in Sekolah Cikal Cilandak. Dok. Amabella)




“She did her best to play both roles; mom and dad, and with all that, she had successfully given me the world and everything it had to offer. I want her to be able to settle and grow old away from the bustling fuss of society. I want to see her with grey hair and spoiling her grandchildren. I want to see her watch Crash Landing On You for the 96th time in her 70s, I want to see her gush over silly Indonesian TV shows, and most importantly, I want to see her happy.”




As her only child, I am all that she has, and personally, that puts me in a tough spot. I want to be able to give her the world when she is older. Ever since I was little, it has always been me and my mom against the world. She was the only parental figure constantly present in my life, and for that, I am ever so grateful and I wish for her to see me achieve all my dreams and pay her back for the blood, sweat, and tears it took to raise me. She did her best to play both roles; mom and dad, and with all that, she had successfully given me the world and everything it had to offer. I want her to be able to settle and grow old away from the bustling fuss of society. I want to see her with grey hair and spoiling her grandchildren. I want to see her watch Crash Landing On You for the 96th time in her 70s, I want to see her gush over silly Indonesian TV shows, and most importantly, I want to see her happy. 


Ever since I was little, it has been very difficult for me to show my emotions. Even my mother took notice of this. She would often joke around and call me “dead inside” or “cold” whenever I wouldn’t cry during a movie. When my father passed away in mid-July 2021, I was the one who comforted her. She had separated from my father 13-years-ago, but her heart still broke for the man she once loved. I watched her sob and wail when he was ill and she would often ask me to console her when my father’s condition was going downhill. 






…Though I may not be the shoulder you can cry on, I am certain the person you can rely on. I want my mother to know that I really do feel for her, despite all my quirks and kinks. I do notice when she’s upset, my heart does break when she cries, and I do hope that whatever or whoever made her feel less is tossed to the farthest end of the earth. I hope my mother gets to experience whatever life has to offer.”






Emotional transparency is one of the many things I am still unable to give and present to my mother. Though I have shown her my love through my own ways, I am unable to give her the support that she needs when she yearns for it the most. Oftentimes, I would just sit at the corner of my bed and watch her cry. It may seem insensitive to the naked eye, but empathy was never my strong suit. Instead, I would repay my lack of empathy with an exchange of words on a daily. I would tell her I love her 10 times a day, hug her, and talk to her, but all these actions mean nothing when it is not presented when she is at her lowest. 


I wish for my mom to know that I really do my best to show my true colours. Though I may not be the shoulder you can cry on, I am certain the person you can rely on. I want my mother to know that I really do feel for her, despite all my quirks and kinks. I do notice when she’s upset, my heart does break when she cries, and I do hope that whatever or whoever made her feel less is tossed to the farthest end of the earth. I hope my mother gets to experience whatever life has to offer. I hope that before her chapter closes that she gets to see all of life’s joys and I hope she is repaid tenfold for the horrors life has shown her. My mother is a gift to anyone who knows her. She is the light to many lives and she is the reason I am alive today. Though I’ve said it a million times, I love you, mom! Happy Mother’s Day. 




Profile

Hello! My name is Amabella and I’m a 10th-grade student from Sekolah Cikal Lebak Bulus. I’m an active student who likes bowling and learning new languages!

I also enjoy baking and watching historical documentaries. I’m particularly passionate about neurological sciences as I’ve also incorporated the topic into my personal project titled @mindly.ed on Instagram.







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